My 1-Week Post Op Appointment

Howdy again!

I had my 1-week post-op appointment with my surgeons nurse on 09/26. 

It always makes me laugh that they leave the room to let me put on the smock-shirt so that they can come back in and have me take it off and look at my boobs haha.  I don't get the point, but whatevs!

The nurse was great.  Everyone in my doctors office is always so warm and so nice.  She took the tape off and cleaned me up (there was a very small amount of dried blood which was totally normal they say).  She checked my incisions and told me they were great.  It was the first time I really got to see them with a mirror.  WOW.  I was really impressed.  I had some good bruising going on on my left side, but by that one week mark it had faded pretty significantly.  It must have been a little more challenging on that side, because that's where I get most of the shooting pains I mentioned in my previous post.  That boob has always been a jerk.  I shouldn't be surprised! 

She taught me how to massage them. I was anxious to get that started because I knew it would help them drop, but I was so afraid to do it because I knew it would hurt.  It totally didn't hurt, but still... new stuff. Plus, I'm kind of a wuss about things like that.  It was totally mind over matter, but it still freaked me out. They were still really high and really hard.  You could feel a definite difference between the actual implant and where my breast tissue was at that point.  She explained to me that my muscles weren't used to having that volume beneath them and so it was going to take a while for them to relax and get used to the implant being there.  She said it takes a little longer with larger implants, but that the massaging will help.  She told me some women just do it in the shower but she told me more times per day for me will be more beneficial.  I was so nervous at first that I would shake while I did it, but as I realized it was no big deal, I got over that pretty quickly.  I massage whenever I think about it now or whenever they start to feel tight. I try to get it in 4-5 times a day. She urged me to continue to take the valium at night so that my muscles could relax and heal more quickly.  I did that for that night and the following two, but that drug gives me some serious constipation issues like, right away, so I decided I'm done with it for now. 

Her eyelashes were mesmerizing so I also left with my 2 free bootles of Latisse.  (Implant company also owns botox, latisse and juvederm so it was a freebie for me.  My consolation prize, if you will.)  I've been doing that for a little over a week now, and I already see some change.  Three cheers for cosmetic enhancement!!!! 

She told me that comfort was my guide for most things at that point.  I didn't have to stay in a compression bra anymore, which I felt was making my rib bones sore.  It wasn't comfortable to me to have that implant smashed up against them.  She said I could find a more structured bra if I wanted to, so I headed to Target and got a soft-cup wireless bra that's basically a sports bra with a tiny bit of structure to it.  No wires, no padding just not smashed.  ONE MILLION TIMES BETTER.  She said still no exercising until the 2 week mark.  She also advised against buying actual bras until my implants had settled and my boobs were where they were going to be.  Bigger bras are expensive and how they look now is not how they're going to look 6 months from now.  Solid advice to which I gladly listened.  A penny saved is a penny earned, right? :) I decided to use bio oil to do my massages to help keep the elasticity of my skin up and that was a bad plan. I broke out horribly from that.  The only thing worse than mutant jelly-bean boobs is broken-out mutant jelly-bean boobs.  Now I just use lotion. 

She scheduled me for my 6 week visit which will be at the end of July.  I actually see the surgeon at that appointment so hopefully he'll say that everything is right where it's supposed to be. 

That night I tried on a bunch of clothes in my closet for my husband.  It was cool to see how things fit and then at one point, the girls were done.  My muscles contracted and got super tight and my nipples pointed straight down.  It was crazy to watch.  Time for a hot shower and some massaging to settle things down.  I chased that with a valium and a giant glass of water and went to sleep. 

We spent the 4th of July at the lake with friends.  I was excited for the first time in my boob-having-life to buy bathing suit tops that actually fit me.  I had no problems with pain, even on the boat rides in choppy water. 

Last night I did my barre method video for the first time in about a month.  It was rough in the sense that I lost a lot of my strength and I had to do almost all beginner level stuff.  I was dripping sweat by the time I was done, but it felt good to move.  I still have some tenderness and things are settling a little bit but all in all, I'm really pleased so far.  Not a drastic change with the dropping yet, but we'll get there.  My skin sensation is still wonky.  It's coming back but I would still call it numb-ish.  My nipples are hyper sensitive right now, but that should calm down over time too.  I'm hoping for sooner rather than later, but we'll see.  I called this morning to ask if I should still be sleeping in a sports bra.  My husband & I thought maybe the compression and the lifting would be counter productive to them settling, but the nurse assured me one has nothing to do with the other.  She told me that at this point it's to help my muscles settle in to doing their new job of holding up all that extra weight.  (Google calculations tell me my implants weigh in at 3.75 pounds each, which is 7.5 pounds total.  That's a lot.)  The bra helps keep down the swelling and allows things to heal internally without having to also support the weight of the implant at the same time.  Makes sense. Plus, it still feels better.  Maybe I'll pick up a couple of those shelf-bra cami's and sleep in those.  Baby steps!  I also asked if it was o.k. if I slept on my stomach.  I'm naturally a stomach sleeper and I've caught myself that way twice now.  She said as long as it's not uncomfortable for me, it's o.k. at this point. 

I'll come back for a one-month update and then again at the 6 week post-op as well. In between I'll try to put together a before and after photo post. 

Stay tuned!

H

A Great Big Update

So I haven't posted in a while.  Like 3 weeks to the day.  For that I apologize.  Let me run you through what happened.  This will be long, but only because I want to be thorough.  I apologize in advance.

Wednesday night before surgery I was a ball of nerves so I cleaned my house and did laundry and what-not until I literally could no longer keep my eyeballs open, and then I showered and went to bed.  And then I was wide awake for the duration of the night.  Because, NERVES.

Thursday morning rolled around.  Our lil' nugget begged to go to summer camp that day, so my husband dropped her off while he reminded me I should probably shower one more time.  Good plan.  Off he went and off I went.  We had to be at the surgery center by 10:30 and I think we walked in at 10:25.  I signed necessary papers, confirmed my ID bracelet and waited about 5 minutes to go back into the prep room where they got me changed into my gown, made me put some ridiculous compression socks on and get into an impossibly tiny bed that was built for those tiny girls who write about their boob jobs who are like 5' tall and weigh like 95 pounds.  Not for girls like me, but whatevs.  It took 4 tries to get my IV started because I was dehydrated from not being allowed to drink water since the night before.  That was less than favorable, but whatever.  IV meant that I could get the drugs that would calm me down so I was game.  They asked me a bunch of questions about why I was there and then the doctor came in to draw on my boobs.  My husband joked that he should draw his infamous "Cat's Ass" on there, but I talked him out of it.  I made the doctor show me that his hands were steady (he apparently was nowhere near as nervous as I was - read:  not at all nervous), I asked him to remove a skin tag that I was pretty certain would interfere with under wires on down the road, he drew all over me (I couldn't watch that part for some reason) and then he told me that pretty soon I could get the medicine that would calm my nerves.  After he went out the anesthesiologist came in and walked me through some stuff and had me sign a form.  I honestly don't remember a word she said to me, but I do remember she had the goofiest voice ever.  Like, really goofy.  They put an anti-nausea patch behind my ear for good measure and told me not to touch it and then touch my eyes or my pupils would dilate huge for a long time (good to know!) Pretty soon they put something in my IV to calm me down (I never asked what it was) and she told me to tell her when I felt it.  I remember telling her it was getting hot in there (and then she said "there it is!"  I kissed my husband goodbye and started crying (see aforementioned GIANT BALL OF NERVES) and then they wheeled me into the O.R.  I remember seeing the huge lights overhead.  They told me I put myself on the operating table.  I remember none of that.  I remember Goofy Voice telling me to breathe in from the mask (sort of vaguely) and then I remember waking up with an elephant on my chest.  Surgery took 52 minutes, which is 25 minutes faster than what they said it would take. 

In the recovery room I woke up and came out of my anesthesia pretty quickly.  I had planned to hope to be able to do that before surgery because I HATE having a cloudy head.  I pulled it off and even the nurse told me I came out of it pretty fast.  I had no nausea but they gave me an anti-nausea pill anyway just to be safe because I told them the thought of puking at that point sounded MISERABLE to me. I don't know how long I was in that room after surgery - maybe an hour or an hour and a half.  Before long they were slowly sitting me up and letting my legs down and then I was allowed to put my pants on (which I also don't remember) and my sweatshirt.  I was STARVING too.  They told me they gave me the biggest sports bra they had but that it was way too small so I would have to get another pretty soon.  I went with 800cc smooth round moderate profile silicone implants, which as I understand are the largest silicone ones you can get.  They sound huge, but on me, they're totally proportionate.  Again, I'm not small. She told me to take a valium then (I think she gave me one?) and a percoset when I got home so long as I ate something.  Then she told me if I wasn't nauseous at all, I could have some saltine crackers on my way home, which she gave me.  Let me tell you - it was like 1:45 in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten since 6:30 the night before.  (bummer I didn't eat later so I wasn't so famished, but probably good because my stomach was empty which probably helped with the nausea).  Those crackers were freaking amazing and I nibbled on them the entire way home.  Best crackers I ever had!  I dozed in and out, answered some work emails from my phone and watched an absurd amount of HGTV in the bedroom in between naps, but for the most part, I stayed on my pillow stack and stayed in bed.  Rest is great medicine. 

My mother in law got to the house shortly after we did so that I wasn't alone while my husband went to go pick up the kiddo. I convinced him I was fine to eat a hamburger, fries and a milkshake from Carl's Jr.  Normally I hate milkshakes but my throat was killing me from being intubated and that sounded amazing to me.  I sat at the dining room table with everyone, at my kids meal and promptly went to bed where I crashed for the next few hours.  My husband was MILITANT about making sure I got all of my medicine exactly when I was supposed to, about logging my pain levels, and about making sure I drank TONS of water, etc.  It took a long time for my general anesthetic and the localized stuff they gave me (which I didn't realize they did - probably was on the form I signed or explained to me, but again, way too nervous to remember)to wear off.  I managed to keep my pain levels at about a 2 or so when I was laying on my pillow-incline and about a 3 when I stood up.  I could walk and go to the bathroom by myself, but I had my husband stay close by just incase.  At 1:15 Thursday night into Friday morning I was due for my next dose.  At 1:07 I was wide awake and ready for my medicine.  My pain level was probably realistically at about a 6 out of 10 at that point, which was the worst it ever was.  I think everything had worn off at that point and I was due for both meds at that time, and I took them gladly!  I was fine again within about 20 minutes and slept until about 7:00 that next morning and then he dosed me again and I slept some more. 

Friday was more of the same.  I mostly only got up to go pee or to do a hot-lap around the house to keep my circulation going.  And to eat at the table.  I only snacked in the room but for the most part I ate in the dining room.  I thought it was good to force myself to get out of bed here and there.  My pain levels were pretty steady on Friday maybe maxing out at about a 3 out of 10.  I was more uncomfortable than hurting.  Nothing really awful.  I practiced very slowly raising my arms above my head to help keep some mobility in those muscles and I watched a lot more TV.  The munchkin came in a few times and drew me pictures and ate with me and hung out.  She was amazing.  The nurse called me that day to see how I was doing and to answer any questions I had.  I wanted to know when I could shower.  Their practice is after 24 hours.  I thought about it that day, but decided against it.  I wasn't quite ready yet.  Surgery took a lot out of me and I felt like a weakling still. 

Saturday was a bigger day for me.  My husband had a job scheduled for that morning.  I called my neighbor to come down and let the dog out of the kennel for me because I was afraid to squeeze the latch and pull up on the door.  She visited for a bit.  I started to feel kinda lousy so I went back to bed for a little while with a bottle of water and rested up.  I felt much better in about 20 minutes or so.  When he got home and we ate, I went out to the living room and sat on the couch for a bit.  We hung around the house and then that late afternoon or evening I was finally ready for a shower.  He helped me get undressed and for the first time, we saw the boobs.  Whoa.  I though there was padding in my sports bra because when I touched the fabric, I couldn't feel any sensation on my skin.  The nurse told me there was padding in there, too.  Except when we took off the bra, there was no padding.  I didn't know to expect this, but the bottom (round part) of both of my boobs were numb-ish. So were my nipples.  It makes sense because things get shoved around and displaced in there to make room for that implant.  I now know it takes a while for things to reconnect and go back to how they were.  I'm slowly regaining that sensation at nearly 3 weeks out, but it still feels very strange.  I also get random shooting pains in both breasts, which the nurse told me is from nerves reconnecting, etc., while things heal in there and that what I'm experiencing is normal.  Still, if something doesn't feel right to you, you should ask your doctor.  You paid for more than just the surgery - take advantage of that care!  (And especially don't listen to me, who has zero expertise to offer in this entire subject!!  After all, this blog is only about my own personal experience and is not intended to be medical advice in any capacity).  So back to where I was.  First time we saw them.  Holy high-boobs!  I swear my chin nearly hit them when I turned my head.  They looked like pointy, smashed jelly beans under my chest.  It was very, very strange to me.  I still had the tape over the incisions and I was instructed not to face the shower for the first week.  I had my husband stay close in case I needed help washing my hair (I did not) and I needed him to help me dry off because I was afraid to bend over.  Shaving my legs sucked too, but I got it done because I hate pokey legs. I usually shave every day and it had been since Thursday morning so I was ready.  We took pictures of them from the front and the side daily for the first week and I'm trying to just do weekly pictures after that. 

Sunday we went to breakfast and to a couple places to find better fitting sports bras.  I had success with a fruit of the loom 2-pack at Wal-Mart for $10.  I wasn't about to go all in at this point because they're going to change a ton before they're settled and bras for big boobs are really expensive.  I took Tylenol only for pain by Sunday and my valium only at bed time to help me sleep.  I don't recommend this, but I was bound and determined to be off the meds as quickly as possible.  I have a 6 year old and a household and I don't like feeling foggy.  My husband was AMAZING beyond words and I know he would have been fine with me staying on everything for longer but I couldn't do it. 

Monday morning I drove our daughter to summer camp down the road.  In immediate hind-sight that was too soon.  I was a bit shaky by the time I got back to the house, but for the rest of the day I felt mostly pretty good.  I called the doctors office that day and asked a nurse if I could pleeeeaaaase lower my pillow incline or sleep on my side.  I'm not a back sleeper at all and being in that position was killing me.  She said if it was causing me that much pain, it was fine.  I slept SO GOOD that night.  I took the kiddo to gymnastics that night. I felt like I looked silly so I wore a t-shirt.  Again, huge implants have nowhere to go but up at first, and at that point, they were right where they were supposed to be! I stayed home from work that day (though I had originally planned to go back) at the urging of my coworkers, and then I hit the ground running on Tuesday morning, giant bottle of Tylenol in tow! 

By this point my pain was completely manageable.  I wasn't taking any of the prescription meds they'd given me and I was trying to settle as much as possible back into my normal daily routine.  Lots of things have taken some adjusting to.  Driving felt REALLY strange at first and I laughed at myself for holding my elbows out to the sides while I did so.  It felt strange to have my arms in their normal position while I drove.  My depth perception of where my chest was took some adjusting as well as I bonked myself a few times on doors, etc., that I could normally squeeze past. 

They also gave me a chart of things to expect over the course of the next 2 weeks:  pain, swelling, mood and energy.  There were peaks and pits for all of them. I thought the mood one was ridiculous - I'd been waiting for this surgery FOR-E-VER and there was no way my mood was going to drop.  I was so excited! Pain and swelling and energy I could totally understand, but this?  No.  Except it totally did, right about the time they said it would.  Probably just under a week or so in.  I was just tired of being not-quite-in-pain and uncomfortable constantly and having them so high and having them so far up on my chest.  I looked silly and nothing was dropping.  I wasn't allowed to massage them yet and I just really felt crummy.  The chart was right.  It was really strange. 

Anyway, things are really good so far.  In my next post, I'll tell you about my post-op visit!

Stay tuned! 

The Day After Tomorrow - AND I'M FREAKING OUT!!!

Giant ball of nerves.  That's how I would describe myself right now.  I am totally freaked out.  I think probably because I've never been under general anesthesia before and I don't know what to expect.  I'm also having (probably) irrational fears about the silliest things.  I can't stand the thought that they're probably going to intubate me during surgery, even though I'll have no idea that even happens because I'll be out like a light.  I am paranoid to no end that I'm going to rip open my incision and the implant (never mind the fact that it's HUGE) is going to plop right out.  Terrified.  I'm stressed out about hearing that I'll need help to go to the bathroom or do anything really for the first few days.  I'm such an independent person to begin with - leaning on my husband for that kind of stuff won't come easy to me.  I'm nervous about the meds, too.  Ironically enough, I wish I could take something to calm me down, but alas.  I'm  not allowed to take anything.  Like ANYTHING.

I have loads of stuff I need to get done at work today and tomorrow but I can't focus.  I can't pay attention to anything I need to do because all I can think about is my surgery and everything that surrounds it. 

In a few minutes I'm going to head out for lunch.  I've watched about one million vlogs about recovery tips, etc.  I'm going to pick up some ensure or slimfast or something to help with the probable lack of appetite and the need to eat something with the pills I have to take.  They say to get a stool softener because of the narcotics, and some gas-x for the bloating caused by the anesthesia.  Sounds fun already, right??  I also read that since you have to sleep on your back on an incline that you should get one of those u-shaped donut pillows so that your head doesn't flop while you're sleeping.  I read it  helps save your neck.  I need to pick up a couple button-down shirts too and I thought I'd get some feminine wipes since I probably can't shower for a couple of days.  Oooh, and soft ice-packs.  You know, those gel filled ones?  I think I should get some of those.  When I get back to work, I'll put my head down and my nose to the grind stone and get my stuff done.  Nothing stresses me out more than leaving piles of work behind while I'm out.

Tonight I'm going to get my nails done after work, and then I'll drop my prescriptions off at the pharmacy and get those filled.  I'll grocery shop while I'm there so that my husband and child have food in the house while I'm a drug-hazed lop for a couple of days.  I'll try and get some laundry done tonight and tomorrow night, and run a vacuum through the house too.  Thursday morning before we leave for the surgery center, I'll get my sheets changed on my bed and bring in all the pillows that I will need.  Lord I hope I'm not a total hot-mess when I come home.  We decided we're going to drive my car and not the truck, because my husband thinks it'll be easier for me to get up out of the car than to climb up into the truck.  In typing that, I just freaked out about the thought of a seat belt across my chest.  Great. 

Anyway, I'm gonna run out and get what I need to pick up.  I'll keep you all posted about things.  Probably won't write tomorrow.  I'll try  to write Thursday night, but that's going to depend on how drugged up I am.  If not, I'll for sure try to get that done on Friday.  I'll be sure to post some before & after pics, too.  (Clothed though.  Sorry.) 

Until later...

H

Two More Days & A Wake-Up

Well, it's the Monday before my surgery.  Two more full days and a wake-up and it'll be go-time.  I AM FREAKING OUT.  I'm trying to keep it together and stay calm, but I am a giant ball of nerves. I keep getting these waves of panic and nervousness.  I do not love this part.  I think maybe if I'd had surgery of any kind before (not counting having my daughter, where all plans went straight out the window because of all sorts of unforeseen circumstances), I might be able to settle down a little bit.  But I basically have no idea what I'm in for.  The control freak and the wimp in me simultaneously hate that. Actually, I think that experience is what has me on edge.  I think I just remember so much trauma and so much of it not going to plan when she was born, that I assume that's how this will be.  I know though, this surgery is controlled.  It's on purpose.  It's not bringing a life into this world, and there's not really any way I can bleed out or die from this. 

It's hard to put a finger on what exactly I'm nervous about.  I'm freaking out about the anesthesia.  I always thought it was something I wanted to do, so that I could know what it feels like to just go to sleep, versus it taking hours to get my brain to unwind.  I'm nervous about a tube going down my throat.  I'm nervous about not waking up.  I'm really extra nervous about that.  Like, a lot.  I'm nervous about the incision.  Last week I had a dream that I was sleeping on my stomach (like I normally do) and that I smashed my implants and ruptured my incision.  I woke up in a near-hysterical panic, thinking I had torn the incision and that my actual implants were falling out.  I was almost crying.  It took me a few minutes to wake up and realize that I was fine, that everything was fine, and that I didn't even have the implants yet.  I was checking myself making sure there were no gaping holes in my chest or blood all over the sheets.  Completely freaked me out. 

Tonight after gymnastics with the kid, I'll drop my prescriptions off at the pharmacy.  Tomorrow at lunch I'll go to walmart and stock up on extra pillows (I read one of those neck ones are nice when you have to sleep on your back propped up for so long, because they help your head not flop around.), some of those soft ice packs, maybe a front close sports bra or two, and a couple of mens huge button-down shirts.  I'll work the rest of this week in the evenings to make sure the house is clean.  I'll put clean sheets on my bed Thursday morning before we leave to go to the surgery center.  I'll grocery shop probably tomorrow night and make sure there's plenty of food for everyone while I spend a couple of days sound asleep. 

My goal is to be off the medicine that makes my head feel fuzzy as quickly as possible.  I hate not being in control of myself and I hate not feeling like I have a clear head.  I don't really drink and I don't like to feel out of whack like that.  I have a kid.  I have responsibilities.  I don't want to be out of it for too long.  I'm giving myself until Saturday morning, and then it's time to suck it up.  Of course, I say that now - we'll see how it really goes. 

I'll update again at least one more time this week to let you all know what's going on.  I'm going to try to update the day of surgery - probably that night, but we'll see.  I don't know how I'll be feeling, so I'm not sure how I'll be able to function. 

Until next time...

H

How To Tell Your Daughter You're Getting a Boob Job

Telling people about this surgery has been a major grey area for me. 

Where most of our friends are concerned, my thought is that it's going to be pretty stinkin' obvious that I had something done so I don't really care if they know.  Some other friends I'm not as eager to share the information with, just for personal reasons. 

My family though - that's where it got sticky for me.  My husband obviously knew the moment I knew.  He's been to all of my appointments with me, has been an instrumental support in this whole thing and has been my rock to lean on when I get a little freaked out about it.  Electively going under general anesthesia is sort of a big deal to me.  This surgery is for purely cosmetic reasons - only my vanity is cause for the operation.  I'm o.k. with that.  There's still a risk though, no matter how small that I may not wake up from this surgery, or that something will go horribly wrong.  When my daughter was born, things did go horribly wrong, and I nearly died.  No joke.  That scenario keeps replaying in my mind... what little I can remember. 

I made the decision to tell my dad about it for the reasons I just discussed.  He's literally the only family I have that I speak to on my side.  He's all I have.  He was supportive and told me he knew it was something I had wanted forever and that he was happy for me that I had made the decision to do it. 

Where I struggle the most is what to tell my 6 year old little girl.  I know that by getting this done, I send a message to her that to be happy with your body, you have to change things at a pretty serious level.  What I decided to tell her is that it's important to love yourself.  That Mommy exercises to be healthy and fit.  Mommy eats healthy foods.  Mommy makes sure to go to the doctor to check and make sure that everything is o.k., but that there are some things that exercise and eating right can't change or make better, and so I'm going to the doctor to help me like parts of me better than I do now.  I told her that I will probably be super sleepy for a few days and that I'll be in bed for a couple of days, but that I will be just fine, that I still love her extra, and that I'll be up and about in just a couple of days.  I asked her if she had any questions, and she said no. I felt like that was age-appropriate for her.  As she gets older, we can talk about it more in depth.  I just felt like for now, that's what she needed to know, and she'll ask the questions she needs to ask probably when it happens, and then we'll go forward from there.  She's a smart kid.  She'll know something is different and I'm sure she'll have questions.  I am always very open and very direct (within reason - she is after all, only 6). 

I just don't want her to have it in her head that she has to get a boob job to like her body.  I am 33 years old.  This is something I have wanted for myself since I was 15.  I feel like I have waited long enough to be sure that this is something that I want for myself.  I am confident in my decision (although, at 3 days pre-op, I am scared shitless!) and I know I am doing this for me 100%. 

I'll keep you all posted.

H

7 Days & A Wake-Up: Pre-Op

Since I was 15 years old, maybe even younger, one of the biggest wish-list items of all time for me was to get my boobs done.  A breast augmentation if you will.  I was really young when I started getting them - in a training bra and on my period by 4th grade and by 7th grade I was a C cup.  Except all of a sudden they just stopped growing.  I know there are smaller breasted women who love their size and they rock the hell out of small boobies with all of the confidence in the world, AND THAT'S AWESOME! I've never been that girl though. 

 
My own femininity has always been defined by myself through the length of my hair, the va-va-voom of my curves, makeup, great perfume, a pouty lip, etc.  and for my entire ta-ta having life, I've been insecure about my inability to fill out certain clothes, my side profile and near complete lack of projection, and just how I feel about them in general.

Oddly enough, my now husband promised to pay for a boob job when we were only 15.  I held him to it for like 17 years!  Then I decided I'd rather pay for it myself.  I didn't want any negative connotations surrounding my decision that maybe I did it for him, or that he made me do it.  This is ALL ME.  For years he would put restrictions or criteria on how I had to be in terms of accepting my body before he would do it.  He didn't want to hear me put myself down for a year and then I could.  Or, I had to lose the weight I wanted to lose and then I could.  He wasn't trying to be a jerk, but there were always limitations.  Maybe he wasn't ready, or maybe he knew I wasn't ready either.  In retrospect, I'm really glad I didn't do this sooner.  I didn't know enough about myself and who I am.  One day early this year, I decided I was just going to make the consultation appointment.  I'm not getting any younger!  He couldn't possibly understand how it felt to me to be in my skin and to have limitations or restrictions put on something I wanted to do for myself, and I got tired of watching dirt bikes and boats and motorcycles and RV's and a million other toys be bought and sold enough times over the years to buy me 10 boob jobs.  So I booked a consultation, knowing that once I got the ball rolling, he'd be quick to jump on board.  Not a tough argument to win when your hubby is a self proclaimed boob-man. 

Now don't get me wrong... I have amazing boobs.  The shape and the roundness and the drop of them is awesome.  I have perfect nipple placement - and those are pretty great too!  I am a 36-38D since I'm a bit chubbier than my c-cup days, which is good when you hear the size, but that's all width.  Like I said... Nearly no projection.  In that department I'm probably a B, but I can't wear a B cup.  I'd be spilling out of that for sure.

So I made a consultation with a surgeon in Denver near where we live who did my good friends' implants.  She loved him and she loves her boobs.  I trust her judgement.  Everything immediately felt right to me.  The consultation went great.  We talked about my goals (generous is what I said I wanted), talked about what material I wanted my implant to be (silicone gel for me... Smooth round moderate  profile implants) he measured my breast tissue and recommended the size range I should consider based on how I'm built.  He said my old boobs were very pretty and my new boobs will look "spectacular!" This made me very happy. As it turns out, my body is built to handle some pretty big boobies! 

I tried on some sizers, which are basically implants in a bra to get a feel for what I wanted.  Immediately I was at the larger end of the spectrum with a 700cc implant in my bra.  They looked awesome but didn't have an 800cc silicone sizer - the largest silicone ones they make.  The surgeon explained that the size difference between 700 & 800 was literally millimeters, but that most women's #1 complaint is that they didn't go bigger.  I figured I liked how the 700 looked and if the 800 was only marginally larger, better go big or go home.  It sounds gigantic, but in reality, they look very proportionate to my body.  I don't look like a freak-show with basketball boobs.  (If that's what you want, go for it!  I work in an office though and I have a daughter I don't want to embarrass).  It's expensive, so I may as well go as big as I can right out the gate.  That way there can be no "I wish I woulda..."  Especially since I have no desire to get saline. 

 
We rounded out the consultation with a quote and on our way home, my hubby said "I'm all in.  Let's do it." HECK YEAH!!!! So we made some moves and I scheduled my 3D imaging where we got a glimpse of what they'll look like and put a sizable down payment on them. I had my pre-op appointment this past Monday and surgery is scheduled for exactly a week & a day from right now!! 

I am nervous and excited and pretty nervous and super excited all in one.  When I tell people I'm doing it, the answer is usually "Why?  They're already big!" Well, they're not.  I rely heavily on Victoria's Secret so they look pretty good so long as my clothes are on.  I'm doing this entirely for me though.  It's something I have wanted for so long.  I am buggin' out about it, but I'm sure that's pretty normal.  Right now the biggest thing I'm experiencing is nerves.  I'm having a tough time sleeping at night and I know I need to rope that in or I'm going to be a basket-case. 

I will for sure chronicle the whole journey on here as I go through the process.  I'll post photos of my progress and log it all here too. I have no experience here, but I'm happy to answer questions if I can. 

Thanks!