Giant ball of nerves. That's how I would describe myself right now. I am totally freaked out. I think probably because I've never been under general anesthesia before and I don't know what to expect. I'm also having (probably) irrational fears about the silliest things. I can't stand the thought that they're probably going to intubate me during surgery, even though I'll have no idea that even happens because I'll be out like a light. I am paranoid to no end that I'm going to rip open my incision and the implant (never mind the fact that it's HUGE) is going to plop right out. Terrified. I'm stressed out about hearing that I'll need help to go to the bathroom or do anything really for the first few days. I'm such an independent person to begin with - leaning on my husband for that kind of stuff won't come easy to me. I'm nervous about the meds, too. Ironically enough, I wish I could take something to calm me down, but alas. I'm not allowed to take anything. Like ANYTHING.
I have loads of stuff I need to get done at work today and tomorrow but I can't focus. I can't pay attention to anything I need to do because all I can think about is my surgery and everything that surrounds it.
In a few minutes I'm going to head out for lunch. I've watched about one million vlogs about recovery tips, etc. I'm going to pick up some ensure or slimfast or something to help with the probable lack of appetite and the need to eat something with the pills I have to take. They say to get a stool softener because of the narcotics, and some gas-x for the bloating caused by the anesthesia. Sounds fun already, right?? I also read that since you have to sleep on your back on an incline that you should get one of those u-shaped donut pillows so that your head doesn't flop while you're sleeping. I read it helps save your neck. I need to pick up a couple button-down shirts too and I thought I'd get some feminine wipes since I probably can't shower for a couple of days. Oooh, and soft ice-packs. You know, those gel filled ones? I think I should get some of those. When I get back to work, I'll put my head down and my nose to the grind stone and get my stuff done. Nothing stresses me out more than leaving piles of work behind while I'm out.
Tonight I'm going to get my nails done after work, and then I'll drop my prescriptions off at the pharmacy and get those filled. I'll grocery shop while I'm there so that my husband and child have food in the house while I'm a drug-hazed lop for a couple of days. I'll try and get some laundry done tonight and tomorrow night, and run a vacuum through the house too. Thursday morning before we leave for the surgery center, I'll get my sheets changed on my bed and bring in all the pillows that I will need. Lord I hope I'm not a total hot-mess when I come home. We decided we're going to drive my car and not the truck, because my husband thinks it'll be easier for me to get up out of the car than to climb up into the truck. In typing that, I just freaked out about the thought of a seat belt across my chest. Great.
Anyway, I'm gonna run out and get what I need to pick up. I'll keep you all posted about things. Probably won't write tomorrow. I'll try to write Thursday night, but that's going to depend on how drugged up I am. If not, I'll for sure try to get that done on Friday. I'll be sure to post some before & after pics, too. (Clothed though. Sorry.)
Until later...
H
No comments:
Post a Comment